I am sometimes, terrified.

When I was a child, I had a knack for finding problems that needed my solution. Not only was I the go-to for advice from my advice, I also had strong solutions for the Middle-East crisis as well as the problems in Darfur. I may have been 15, but I knew exactly what had to be done. If only people would have listened.

Thankfully they did not.

Despite my tenacious outlook towards problems in the world during my youth I find myself in old age slipping into apathy towards those problems I once felt so passionately towards. Darfur is still a tragedy. Palestine and Israel now baffle me. From the education I have gained in the last two years, I have successfully learned how all of my plans will not fly.

Sometimes I worry that I will eventually become one of those adults defined by temporary things (work, money, projects, etc.) who simply toil for the nothings that have become so important to them.

I know that since I care enough to write about this topic, there is a pretty good chance I won't be plagued with this ailment. But there is still is that fear, right here in between my sternum and spine. It's like a creature I feel I feed every time I make a concession.

It tells me things like, it's time to be successful, set the groundwork for a life with salaries.

But then again, it may not be a terrible creature, C.S. Lewis says "the longest way 'round is the shortest way home," so maybe I'm just taking the trip. What if this trip leads to a corner office and not to the in-field aid station that I had dreamed would be real, once I was educated. I may be destined to be one of the suited warriors, carrying the cause of equality and justice in our briefcases to board meetings.

Both of these are possibilities and I am choosing to sit and be silent as the Father of all Heavenly Lights to weave my future from His Dreams.